Monday, August 8
i stood up there in the gallery today, watching the masses of people below. i stood apart from my classmates, behind them, leaning against the fire escape ladder. and for once i was on the outside, looking in. i saw the sheer joy on their faces as they put their arms around each other and hopped bunny-like to the music. it didn't matter to them that they didn't know half the lyrics. i guess it never does. i saw janet too. she looked so happy, with her arms about her friends. her class stood in a circle, moving clumsily to the music. i saw someone else near her - someone wearing red and black, someone.. -fwah. but that's irrelevant. i guess. i thought back to last year, of jean with her arm around me on one side and siti on the other. i thought of us laughing as we sang the words of the songs and [attempting] to dance. i thought of us doing the can-can, and how it never mattered that we stepped on each others' toes. i thought of us. then i realised there really isn't much point in that, is there? there's no more 'us' - that's a fact. i saw janet. she was smiling at one of her friends, and chattering excitedly. and i moved down to join my class.
mother, you never understood.
hanging around candy too much isn't a good idea. i'm supposed to be the cynical one! not supposed to believe [ or fall] in love. i scoff at bgr and turn my nose up at so-called romance. but somehow i started thinking.. of requirements. they're pretty easy to think of. 1. musically inclined. 2. linguistic [chinese optional] 3. taller than me. 4. has dimples 5. doesn't mind my nonsense. 6. has own moral code. hehhhh.
dipsy got me worrying today. she wants to buy me a rocking chair for my next birthday because she saw me cross-stitching. yes yes, i'm seventeen going on seventy. whatever, dipsy. but it really does worry me. it's quite one thing to be called an old soul, and quite another to be called old in general! i am not old. i can't help it you're an immature prat, now can i?
it must've been love.
9:29 pm
xoxo
